Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
