this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
