you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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