The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You have to summon your inner elephant
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
