The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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