I am full of burrito and curiosity
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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