Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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