Umm I'm too high to move.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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