Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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