i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
