dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
