4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
