What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
