last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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