I want to make a zoo with you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
