a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
