i can't believe i had my finger in that
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
