i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
