You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
