do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
