I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
