I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
