can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
