Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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