Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
