At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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