i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
