She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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