I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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