He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize