dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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