We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
