last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
