my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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