they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
