he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
