I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
