I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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