I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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