lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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