I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
