If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
