Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize