out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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