i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
