we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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