I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
