there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Are we still banned from the library?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
