I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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