before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
