You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
