I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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