i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
how drunk are you?
Several
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
