just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
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