I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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