one two three fourrrrnication!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
