Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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