A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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