I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
