btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
