question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
