Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Houston, we have a squirter
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
