I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize