he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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