I'm so fucking centered right now
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize