It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
