I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
