Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
