The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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