Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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