the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We need to rekindle our bromance
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
