I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
