Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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