Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
