I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize