Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize