I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
