if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
