I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
